Under the Mistletoe is the Greatest Christmas Album Ever
December 10, 2022 • Written by Ari Bowman
For many people, including myself, the month of December is filled with the dreadful knowledge that we will inevitably hear the same rehashed Christmas music over and over again. Each year once Black Friday flies past, I find that I somehow still haven’t recovered from the prior year’s onslaught of nonstop holiday music. No matter how many years go by I will never, ever enjoy hearing “Wonderful Christmastime,” “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” and all the other Christmas jingles for a whole month (and then some, when you have people like my grandmother who say that Christmas “isn’t really over until the Epiphany,” twelve days after December 25th.) Singing Christmas carols over and over again in middle school choir knocked any love I had for the holiday out of me, not that there was much love for it in me to begin with as a Jewish person.
However, despite my general disdain for the holiday, and most of its music, there is one Christmas album that I do find acceptable: Justin Bieber’s Under the Mistletoe.
Yes, you heard me correctly. I believe this could possibly be the greatest Christmas album of all time. Now, let me explain myself.
One extremely important note is that Under the Mistletoe was only Bieber’s second studio album ever. I just think it’s incredibly ballsy to stumble onto the scene like he did, being scouted from the internet and all, release a best selling debut album with a hit song, subsequent documentary and EP, and then for his second full-length release, make a Christmas album. Not an LP of secular, regular old pop music, a full, 15-song Christmas album. I have to applaud Bieber and his management at the time for having the guts to do that. All things considered, it wasn’t the biggest risk in the world given how heavily steeped the West is in Christian hegemony; still, it was a pretty bold move for an artist attempting to build credibility with audiences other than teen girls to release a Christmas album not even 3 years into his professional career.
What’s more impressive is that Under the Mistletoe was the first Christmas album by a male artist to debut at number one on the Billboard 200 in the United States when it was released in 2011. It’s even funnier when you consider that his fellow countryman, Michael Bublé, released his own Christmas album the week prior, and sold about 70,000 copies less than Bieber’s album in the first week. Bublé’s Christmas debuted at number three on Billboard.
But why is it that I am okay with JB’s Christmas music and not any of the others? Well, I’m not 100% sure. When the album was released in 2011, I managed to talk my mom into buying it for me on her iTunes account. At the time, it was the only album that I had downloaded, so I listened to it quite a lot. I’m not even sure why I wanted to download the album in second grade. I think my best friend at the time liked the album, which may have influenced me (this was over 10 years ago, let’s not forget.) Regardless, Under the Mistletoe had me hooked somehow. Part of the reason why I hate traditional Christmas music is because of how disgustingly catchy it is, but I have a soft spot in my heart for just how catchy some of the songs in Under the Mistletoe are. It’s probably been over a decade since I listened to his version of “Drummer Boy” but every once in a while I still get this one verse stuck in my head:
“Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum pum
Yeah, I'm on the drum, yeah, I'm on the snare drum
Yeah, I'm on the beat 'cause the beat goes dumb
And I only spit heat 'cause I'min playing for the Son
Playing for the king, playing for the title
I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the Bible
I'm so tight I might go psycho
Christmas time, so here's a recital
I'm so bad like Michael, I know
I'm still young, but I go, I go
Stupid, stupid, love like Cupid
I'm the drummer boy, so do it, do it”
Truly, we have a lyrical genius right here! Along with Busta Rhymes, multiple other artists are featured in Under the Mistletoe including Usher, Boyz II Men, Mariah Carey (for his own rendition of “All I Want for Christmas Is You”), and The Band Perry. The album comprises many songs including the album’s hit single, Mistletoe, for which JB starred in his first music video after giving up his classic bowl cut. Watching that music video was a turning point in my elementary school life. It has many other original Christmas songs, too, which is kind of surprising. Though it’s not that surprising when you remember that Bieber was raised as, and still is, a devout Christian. It was even reported in 2009 that Bieber’s mother was reluctant to let the rising star travel to Georgia with record executive Scooter Braun due to his Jewish identity. She was quoted saying “You could send me a Christian man, a Christan label,” and “God, you don’t want this Jewish kid to be Justin’s man do you?”
Clearly, she gave in to her original dismay.
But in all seriousness, eleven years after its release I find that the only Christmas music I don’t absolutely abhor is Under the Mistletoe. And while that reason might be a perfect storm of childhood experiences, cultural experiences, and personal tastes, I’d like to think that it’s none of those, and that Under the Mistletoe is actually just the best Christmas album of all time.
